Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
