Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
