So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
