she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
