So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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