its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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