what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
