Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
