So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
