He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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