the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize