At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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