Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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