Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize