AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
