If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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