I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
