Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
