just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You pole danced in your parka.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
