haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
