What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
