Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
