He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
