Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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