I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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