She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
