If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
not ubering you a puppy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
