I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
