She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
