Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
