so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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