so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We need a shit load of segways right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
