Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
