You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
