the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
