Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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