In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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