Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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