I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
