Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
