loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
