Im at strip club and am horny
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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