I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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