Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
