I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
