dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
