R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize