Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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