I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
