My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize