im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize