just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
