I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
