Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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