i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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