I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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