.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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