They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
