Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
wow bdsm is so cute
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
