i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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