Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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