i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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