On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
P.S. I can't hear my feet
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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