I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
